TITLE: One day, in the Desert
FIRST PUBLISHED: Apr 22, 2012
SUMMARY: Made up by my sister & I, written down later. Characters from A Series of Unfortunate Events, Sherlock Holmes, The Bartimeus Trilogy, How the Grinch Stole Christmas, Star Trek TOS & The Little Prince. Including exploding sand dunes and a UFO.
oOo
Violet, Klaus, and Sunny were in the desert. It was very big, and very wide, and very, very hot. But the sun was setting and soon it got cold. At first the sand kept the heat, but soon the three Baudelaire orphans were shivering. And then a plane flew by overhead, and they thought it was Count Olaf, because Count Olaf was always following them around and trying to do bad things.
But it wasn't Count Olaf. It was the Grinch. The plane landed, and the Grinch came out, smiling his pointy smile, with his little dog, and he was holding onto it by a leash.
And the Baudelaires sort of stared at him. And they asked, "Who—um, what, are you?"
And the Grinch said, "I'm the Grinch."
And Klaus said, "I know about Grinches. Grinches are—" and he started talking about everything he had read about Grinches, but nobody heard him, because at that moment, a nearby sand dune decided to explode.
And when everyone was done cowering, they looked over where the sand dune had been, and they saw a UFO—an actual, saucer-shaped, UFO. And three people came out of it.
And the man started speaking. They were all men, actually, but the one in front was the one who started speaking. And he said, "Hello."
And the Baudelaires asked, "Who are you?"
And they answered: "Kirk, Spock, and McCoy."
And Kirk, Spock, and McCoy asked, "Who are you?" and the Baudelaires answered: "I'm Violet, I'm Klaus, and that's Sunny." And the Grinch's dog didn't say anything. Well, actually he did, but because he was speaking in dog language, nobody could understand him.
And the Grinch said, "I'm the Grinch."
"Grinches are—" Spock said. And he started talking about everything he knew about Grinches, but nobody heard him, because at that moment, one of the sand dunes decided to explode.
And when everyone was done cowering, they looked round and saw a man, sitting next to a plane. And there was a little boy next to him.
And they asked, "Who are you?"
And they answered: "I'm the man. And I'm the Little Prince."
And everyone introduced themselves. They said, "I'm Violet, I'm Klaus, that's Sunny;" and "I'm Kirk, I'm Spock, and I'm Dr. McCoy;" and the Grinch said, "I'm the Grinch."
And the man opened his mouth to ask something, but the Little Prince said, "Shh. That's quite enough." And he went over to the Grinch and hugged him. And then the Grinch turned nice.
And they all talked to one another. And they were having a great time, when suddenly, one of the sand dunes decided to explode.
And when they were all done cowering, they looked over and saw two boys where the sand dune had been. And the first boy was looking very put-upon. And the other boy was grinning.
And the first boy said, "Please, stop," and the other one stuck his tongue out at him.
And the other boy said, "Bartimeus—"
And the other boy said, "N— Hey, look, we're in a desert."
And then everyone asked, "Who are you?" And they answered.
And then Nathaniel asked the Grinch if he was a demon, and the Grinch got very insulted, and so did Bartimeus, so they both went off together, to talk about how insulting humans were.
And then Nathaniel went to Violet and complemented her hair ribbon, because he really liked it. So they talked about her hair ribbon.
Klaus thought that was weird. And he told Violet, "Don't talk to him."
And Violet asked, "Why not?"
And Klaus answered, "Because if you talk to him, Count Olaf will get him, Count Olaf gets everyone we talk to."
And Nathaniel asked, "Who's Count Olaf?"
And they explained.
Meanwhile, McCoy and Spock got into a great fight, and Dr. McCoy went inside the UFO, and watched TV. He put in his favourite movie, The Wrath of Khan, and fast-forwarded it to the very end where Spock died, to make him feel better. He always watched it after Spock had said something particularly annoying.
And meanwhile, the Baudelaires had finished telling Nathaniel about Count Olaf. And Nathaniel said, "That's no problem. I can get rid of him for you," and he tried to call Bartimeus. But Bartimeus didn't hear him.
There was something about the sand dunes that was very strange, in that mind-magic didn't work there. So Bartimeus couldn't hear Nathaniel, and Nathaniel couldn't summon him.
Bartimeus and the Grinch were off finding a well, and the Grinch's dog was there too. And the dog said, "Hi."
And they both could understand him. And they said, "This isn't your conversation."
And the dog said, "I can make it my conversation."
And they said, "No you can't."
And Spock said to Kirk that there was something very strange in the composition of the sand dunes, and that his telepathy wasn't working.
And Kirk said, "I thought you were a touch telepath."
And Spock said, "Oh yes. Right." And he touched Kirk's arm, and he said, "It still isn't working."
And Klaus and Sunny wandered into the UFO, because Violet and Nathaniel were still talking, though not about her hair ribbon anymore.
And they sat on the couch next to Dr. McCoy, and watched the end of The Wrath of Khan, and then Dr. McCoy showed them a drink.
And Klaus said, "It's purple."
And it turned out that it was Romulan Ale.*
And because Klaus had never had an Alien drink before, he was curious, and took a sip, and he said, "It's good." Then he said to Sunny, "But you can't have any."
And then he drank the rest of it. And then he decided that maybe that wasn't such a good idea, and he lay down.
And everyone was minding their own business, when suddenly, a nearby sand dune decided to explode.
And when everyone was done cowering, they looked over, and there were two men there.
And the first man said, "Watson, I think we're not in Kansas anymore."
And Watson said, "Have you been reading The Wizard of Oz again?"
And Sherlock Holmes said, "What? It's a good book!"
And Watson rolled his eyes.
And then they asked, "Who are you?"
And the two men answered, "I'm Sherlock Holmes, and I'm Watson."
And then Sherlock Holmes deduced who everyone was. "I see you are an inventor, and you are a magician," he said. "And three people came here in that UFO. And you have a brother who's an avid reader, who is in the UFO with one of them, and that two of your company have wandered away to a well…"
And when he was done, Violet said, "That's good. Only you missed Sunny, my little sister. She's in the UFO too."
And Dr. Watson said, "You can't always be right," and Sherlock Holmes said, "Yes I can," and Watson said, "Norbury."
And Sherlock Holmes said, "Shh! They haven't read the books yet!"
And Watson said, "They're in a desert. I don't think they want to read a book."
And Klaus came wandering out of the UFO and he said, "Yes I do. What book?"
And then he and Sherlock Holmes went off to talk about intellectual matters.
And Jim and the Little Prince were having deep philosophical discussions over a game of 3D chess, and the man with the plane was watching.
And Dr. McCoy came out a little bit later, and had an argument with Spock, to make him feel better, because The Wrath of Khan had made him feel very sad.
And suddenly, at that moment, one of the sand dunes decided to explode.
And when they were all done cowering, they looked over, and saw a random person with a guitar. And the person with the guitar started to play, but nobody wanted to sing, and nobody got up and danced either.
But Spock played his harp** with the man. And then everyone fainted, even Bartimeus, and the Grinch, and the Grinch's dog.
And then the guy and Spock talked about how totally cool they were, that they had magical music—well, that's not the words Spock used, but that's what they meant.
So then Spock and the guy did a mind meld, and they got all emotional; but nobody noticed, because they were still out cold.
Then finally they played music again, and everyone woke up, but Spock was still smiling a little bit, and Kirk looked at him suspiciously.
"You haven't been doing mind melds without permission, have you?" He asked.
And Spock looked very innocent and said, "Who, me?"
And then Kirk felt very sure that he had been doing a mind meld.
And then, suddenly, Kirk and Spock hugged each other, for no reason.
Bartimeus and the Grinch were still at the well, and they suddenly hugged each other too.
And then Bartimeus said, "Oh no, it's the sand dunes. It's the Terrible-Spell-Of-Hugging." And he said, "We have to warn the others!"
So they started to run back.
But it was too late, because everyone was already hugging each other.
The End.
.
*To the best of my knowledge, this is NOT the actual color of Romulan Ale.
**Or lyre. Or whatever you want to call it.